Monthly Archives: May 2017

‘Friends’

A hug is like a boomerang you get it back right away. This is a good friend of mine who I met at such an emotionally traumatic time in my life x Our paths first met in 2014 at the hospital where our young 19 year old children were being treated. Our favourite nurse had told us that another family were here with the same cancer as Jacob so I immediately went & introduced myself to this family. I went to visit her at her house after our children were discharged in between treatments. Her first impression of me was the total opposite of who I really was & she began to think that we wouldn’t have the connection to become good friends. I’m so glad that her first thoughts were wrong. I knew we’d hit it off as besties. We are now kindred spirits, soul sisters, sisters from another mister, friends for life. For my friend Cathy Collins knows the heartache of losing a child just like me, from the same horrible parasitic disease Ewing’s Sarcoma. We just get each other, it can be a long time between visits & the deep & meaningfuls  & we just pick up where we’ve left off. Maybe we were sisters in another life. ‘Friends are medicine for a wounded heart and vitamins for a hopeful soul.’

‘Circle of life’ 

I like this quote that I found on the Internet about families. ‘Family is made strong. Not by the number of people you share the dinner table with, but by the memories you share together and the commitment of love and support you show for each other.’ I think this quote encompasses those two words that our family came up with 😊 this is a photo of our family 3 years before Jacob passed away ♡ this is another favourite family quote ‘our family is a circle of love and strength with every birth and every union the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love, every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger’ all because two people fell in love.

‘Outside’

Week 11: ‘outside’ 
Don’t think we’ll be using the pool and spa much now as our weather has begun to change as the next season approaches. We will have to wait till later in the year to be invited back into the special spot in out back yard. We can heat up the spa in the cooler months but by the time you’ve ran from the spa to the house wrapped up in a towel you’ll want to go back in the spa to be warm again. This is a space where I can relax, collect my thoughts and recharge the batteries after a busy working week all outside in the fresh air during the day and night. I’m going to stand outside in this space right now  ~ if anyone asks ~ I’m outstanding! (Just kiddin’) 😉

‘Cords’ 

Week 10: ‘cords’ What a coincident that I received my bracelet in the mail today that is made from a high quality military grade paracord & this week’s theme is cord. Another beautiful mum that I’ve never met before has been voluntarily making these bracelets in honour of her son that she lost to Rhabdomyosarcoma. I belong to a few Facebook groups specifically for sarcoma families, patients and parents can connect and share their fears, hopes and dreams from all over the world. We all want to hear the success stories to keep us motivated in our own struggles. I received a heartfelt letter from the mum accompanying the bracelet. It gave a brief description of who her beloved boy was and I learned that he loved the outdoors & survival gear. The bracelet’s cord can be unwoven and used to get me out of a jam out in the wilderness or a concrete jungle too. A symbol of strength in a simple cord. I will wear it proudly for Jacob, Dan, Ash, Mitch, Kailem and Rhys – the warriors still fighting, the superheroes we’ve lost and the brave survivors.

‘3 o’clock somewhere’

Week 9 – ‘3 o’clock’ 
I work four days a week on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and get ‘hump day’ Wednesday off. I could be doing numerous things throughout the weekdays at 3 o’clock with no rhyme or reason to any of it and it changes week to week. But on weekends at 3 o’clock I’m usually just chilling at home making myself comfortable with my feet on the coffee table which is messy with cups, papers etc, watching something on paytv and writing a new entry in my blog. The weather this particular Saturday at 3 o’clock is rainy but warm with the humidity high as we approach the new season of Autumn. The kitchen smells delightful as my daughter is cooking a traditional Thai meal that she learnt how to make while on holiday there recently and is also making ‘chocolate spiders’ an Aussie favourite using fried noodles, peanut butter and chocolate – hhhmmm nice comfort food on a wet Saturday indoors.

‘…watching the tide roll away’♪

Week 8 – ‘where I stand’ 
I’m standing on the jetty just across the road from my house. I’ve been waiting all week to take a shot of our beautiful Lake Illawarra but it’s been raining too much to risk the camera getting wet. I wouldn’t care about getting wet, there’s something childlike in getting wet in the rain as an adult. There was a break in the weather so I grabbed the camera a snapped several shots in the hope of capturing a decent one. I like this one the best as it looks half black and white and splashed with a bit of colour, the patch of blue amongst the dark clouds. I just made it home before the rain hit. So many fun family memories have been created in this space. I have lived, fished, barbecued, picnicked, partied, rowed in a boat, went prawning, road a bike, played family games of cricket, volley ball, soccer, touch footy, walked dogs and cats on leads and thrown a frisbee over the past 40 years at this place. I first lived in this area as a child of 6, my parents still live in the house that I grew up in and now I live here with my family just a street away from my parents right in front of this view. So today, at Boonerah Point (Aboriginal name) is where I stand.

Table Manners

Week 7 ‘at the table’ – The only time when graffiti is allowed in our house is on Jacob’s bar/table. We write messages of love, memories and wishes for our dearly missed beautiful brown eyed boy. It is a space where we all come together and reminisce, smile and connect, shed tears and cry together, play games and drink toasts. A silver plaque sits shinning the middle – Jacob Connor Wieck Memorial Bar 13.3.95-7.10.15 ‘capturing the chaos and creativity in Heaven on film.’ A few permanent markers are left there for family and friends to leave their mark. We’ve added a bottle opener to the table just recently to have on hand when the need arises to open a cold one. Today we caught up with Jacob’s best friend Chris who sat with us at the table and shared food and stories of all things funny, sad & indifferent happening in our lives feeling Jacob ever so present and approving of what we were doing. Still can’t get the lighting right in my shots – there’s still plenty to learn. I posted 2 shots to capture the importance of the writing on our table.

‘Heart’ 

Week 6: Heart – ‘Memories are photographs taken by the heart ❤’ I love the photos that are displayed along the wall below the stairs as well as the ones as you walk up them. But these particular one’s tug more at the heartstrings than the others as these were taken on our last family holiday all together as a family of 6. We spent a wonderful 9 days in Hawaii and the photo where we are all lined up in a row we were all decked up in wetsuits awaiting our swim with the mantarays. The other photos were taken at Hard Rock Cafe in Waikiki & on the volcano tour. It’s hard to look at the photo’s of Jacob as a picture of health as the tallest in the family to a month later undergoing his first chemotherapy treatment. I will treasure these moments & many others deep in my ‘heart.’ (On the day of hearts ♡ Valentine’s day)

‘In the corner’ 

Week 5:  ‘In the corner’ 
‘It’s a big world. Full of dark corners and long memories.’ Our little corner bar is far from dark but it does contain some memories of long ago. It fits perfectly into the corner of the room and matches our decor with the timber. It’s a rather crowded corner space with very little room to add anything else, the only way to make more room is to use it up (we do drink sensibly 😊). We usually use things up at special occasions like Christmas, New Years, birthdays, engagements, weddings and anniversaries. We’ve collected lots of shot glasses from holidays, 18 & 21st birthday glasses and pints, cocktail mixing recipe books, an empty bottle of babysham that I drank on holiday in the UK when I was 19, another empty bottle of wine that my husband and I enjoyed on our honeymoon which I painted a mural on it of all the fun things we got up too (keeping it rated ‘g’ of course), packs of playing cards, trinkets from weddings we’ve attended. Some of the drinks have gathered a bit of dust from being locked away in the corner of the room. But as the old saying says ‘wine gets better with age’ I hope it’s true and the drinks taste better than before when we next have the need to open the corner bar for new memories to be captured and cherished.

‘On the shelf’ 

Week 4: ‘on the shelf’ 
I guess you can say you may get to know someone pretty well by what’s on their shelf. What types of books they like, an insight into their family as photos are displayed, trophies from many different sports that reveal their hidden talents and the places they’ve been by the little souvenirs brought back from various holidays. We’ve got some of those things on this shelf too but in different context. This shelf proudly showcases our beautiful brown eyed boy Jacob – ‘forever 20.’ His favourite hat sits perched on a shelf as does his wallet, his pirate patch that he wore at the end of his life as the disease gave him double vision in one eye, his favourite alcoholic drink bottle ‘Bundaberg Rum’ which now contain some of his ashes, gifts that people have given him since he’s passed and lots of my craft work that I have completed in honour of my grief for the loss of my son. So many precious items on one shelf. I will always find things to add to the shelf as I’m not going to get any more photos or life memories to place there. So I’ll find little shells from his favourite beach to place there, or thoughts and wishes to put away in a jar. His mates made the sticker of his nickname ‘Cobby’ to place on the side of the shelf just like the smaller ones we had made to put on our cars. There is a nice message written on a wooden sign that I have placed in the glass bowl with fairy lights, shells and greenery on the top shelf – ‘those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us everyday, unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear…’ I believe those words on this shelf ❤️