Day 17: grief journaling

Today we want you to write a letter to your loved one telling them about a moment or moments they’ve missed.

Either choose to tell them about one single moment or tell them about everything they’ve missed. Talk to them as you would if you could give them a call.

• What would you want them to know?

• What have they missed?

• In what moments have you thought of them the most?

Dear Jacob,

Hiya beautiful boy x just calling to say ‘hi.’ Haven’t seen you for ages, when are you gonna come by again to see your old ma & pa. It’s been such a long time 4yrs, 6 months and 12days since I’ve heard your voice, kissed your forehead, ruffled your curly hair, laughed at your jokes and witnessed your creative talent in the form of your movies on your YouTube channels, washed your clothes, cooked your favourite meals, made you a cup of tea with 3 sugars, watched a good horror flick with you in the good room or listened to the words of a song you’d say I’d like because they’d have a positive message in the lyrics.

You’ve missed a lot since you’ve been away….but I’m sure you know what’s been going on as you watch over and protect us from afar. I guess you know that….

Toffee and Mungo crossed the rainbow bridge and are basking in your company and enjoying scratches curled up in your lap purring in cat Heaven. Two new cats have joined our family Mike and Morty. Mike is a rescue cat and they had given him another name – Tyson (as you have a cousin with the same name we called him Mike instead) Mike Tyson – do you get it? He’s not one bit of a fighter at all, he’s Mungo reincarnated, a scaredy-cat. Morty is your cousin Paul’s rescue cat. Him and his girlfriend couldn’t look after him anymore so we inherited him. He’s a pretty chilled out cat that has a permanent look on his face as if he’s stoned all the time. His nickname is naughty Morty. Ozzy and Axl are still fat (but don’t tell them that) and your dad will say ‘it’s their fur that makes them look fat.’ Chilli has moved out too because it got to the stage when Ben said ‘either the bird goes or I do’ and me being a good mum how could I choose between your brother and a bird. I do miss him though – Chilli that is, in case you thought I kicked Ben out. He’s gone to another loving family and they’re spoiling him rotten.

Your camera is still working it’s magic. I’m seeing the world through your eyes now – the lens of your camera. I snap away and SMILE ‘see miracles in life everyday.’ I have an ABN number now just like you to use in my upcoming adventure in photography in my free time. If you were here I’m sure you’d be happy to let me use your pride and joy and I’m sure you’d be still working your magic on an updated model, the top of the range equipment. You’d be able to teach me the tricks of the trade, instead of me watching YouTube tutorials over and over again.

You missed Rach and Adam’s engagement announcement. You’d be proud of the photos I took of them to put on their wedding website. I got a tad excited the other day when I saw Adam wearing your sloppy joe zippered jacket. You’d really like him. I know you didn’t get to know him well in the 3 months you got to meet him, he’s a lot like you and I think you’d be good mates with lots in common. Stephen and Michelle have parted ways and are sharing custody of the girls. It broke his heart and I don’t think he’s ever gotten over it yet. Amy has moved out and is renting in Wollongong, you’d have a comfy lounge to crash on if you didn’t want to come home after drinking with mates in the gong. She’s landed herself a really nice job with school holidays off, bought herself another brand new car another Yaris, yes her car the blue ‘thirsty merc’ is no more. Rach has a new car too, a golf. Your brother Ben is on to his 3rd car since we saw last saw you, and your little purple and white Toyota Corolla gathered spiders and tumble weeds as the season’s pass. It has gathered a bit more than rust since you last sat behind the wheel going through drive through at maccas with your mates. We sent it to the wreckers and it broke our hearts. The number plates are proudly nailed to the fence under the pergola. You missed your dad braking his elbow tripping on the bottom step and falling over on Christmas Eve trying to move a stuffed toy Agro from the pergola roof. We had just taken a family photo prior to this happening (another family photo taken without you).

You may be aware of all the new releases on the big screen. You missed the opening of ‘Truth’ the movie you worked on set in Sydney with Cate Blanchett, Robert Redford, Dennis Quaid and Topher Grace. We see your photo in several of the scenes. The imdb came up with a list of the best films of the last 5 years. I can’t recommend all of them as I haven’t seen them all. These are the one’s I think should get a mention as I think you’d like them too. Some are kids movies but hey you’re a big kid at heart –

Lion

Wonder

Bohemian rhapsody

A dog’s purpose

The greatest showman

Coco

Hidden figures

Collateral beauty

Fantastic beast & where to find them

The BFG

Zootopia

Sing

Remake of Jumanji – welcome to the jungle

Pete’s Dragon

Dirty grandpa

Sully

Pirates of the Caribbean – dead men tell no tales

Kong: skull island

Goodbye Christopher Robin

Dumbo

Storm boy

The lion king

A dog’s journey

A dog’s way home

Toy story 4

How to train your Dragon

Rocketman

Shazam

The invisible man filmed in Gerringong & Kiama (filmed in our neighbourhood)

Remake of the grudge

Dolittle

Hansel & Gretel

A quiet place

The conjuring & Annabelle continuing saga

There are now 4 movies continuing the Insidious storyline, I’m sure you could come up with the 5th movie to share with the world, ‘cause I know that horror and suspense is your ‘go to’ genre to film.

I watched a good one today that you would love. It’s called ‘Yesterday’ showcasing all of the greatest hits of the Beatles. The best scene in the movie by far was when the main character Jack met an ageing John Lennon at age 78. In this parallel new world in the movie John was still alive and well. Any chance you could write a movie like this and I could play Jack meeting you at the age you are now? We can only dream and imagine like the musicians famous lyrics.

I’m glad you have more company with you now joining you this year – your grandad, my uncle Dave from England, your close friend Mikaila, a few of my nursing friends, Les my mum’s neighbour and Janet Trisha’s sister in law. I long to see you but I’m in no hurry to get to where you are. Those words didn’t come out right, you know how much I want to see you. I just want you right here with me now, just not there. I hope ‘time’ will tick away differently where you are, and it might seem like only yesterday we last caught up. I hope you welcome me with open arms and sweep me up in a tight embrace and make all of those hurts disappear. Till then – stay gold pony boy ❤️ love mum xxx