I was once told that I need to keep my mind still to be able receive the messages that Jacob is trying to send me. Keeping my mind still is a hard ask on my part – I tend to over analyse things and thoughts fly all around in circles every second of the day and I truly believe that I can multi-task (in my mind that is). So one way to combat this overactive brain of thoughts is that I could try meditation. And so I did – and my meditation to self healing began….’the goal of meditation is Not to get rid of Thoughts or Emotions, the Goal is to become more AWARE of your Thoughts and Emotions and Learn how to Move Through them without getting stuck.’ 
I found myself a group of wonderful women to ‘zone out’ with. It’s a wonderful feeling when we all get on well with one another as we all bring something beautifully unique to the group, you just feel welcomed. It’s funny how life sometimes draws you all together to share one another’s stories regardless of where we’ve been or where you are going to. The leader of the group is a flower child reincarnated from the Woodstock era, when you are in her presence you are in awe of her colours of her soul radiating outwards and from within and you instantly feel healed in her presence. She chooses her words wisely and calls a spade a spade if it’s due. She uses ‘true blue’ Aussie slang as she shares her stories. You can be yourself around her bearing your warts and all so to speak and she’s got a heart of gold with a broad set of shoulder to offer you when in tears. I really enjoy being in her radiant company and I want to share her with others so they can feel her true gifts. You walk into her home and the aromas sifting through the air set the stage for a successful step for healing. 
I look forward to my weekly fix of womanly togetherness, bonding on spiritual levels, but most of all my meditation time for me. I never thought I’d be able to do it as I’ve always been skeptical about people who get hypnotised on stage to do random things. But I surprised myself of how deep it took me. I listen to the instructions for as long as my mind allows then I drift off into my own subconscious and daydream from one thing to another, coming in and going out of random little acts that role play on stage, then I wake up and think ‘oh shit where am I’ take a look around and off I go again. I can barely hear the sound of my own breathing and my whole body is paralysed in relaxation. But I strangely hear noises of the surrounding areas like the traffic noise, a distant dog barking but it doesn’t take you away from the meditation experience. I did a past life regression on one occasion and had remembered feeling a flush of heat just like a flush of menopause and an uncontrollable urge to cry. The instructions were to go to a place in your childhood and think of a memory but if you felt uncomfortable in any way just hover where you felt comfortable, so I didn’t go deeper as I couldn’t control the tears. I took myself back to my childhood (and I did have a wonderfully happy childhood) and stayed there at one particular memory. In that memory I was hiding in the pantry of my grandmothers home just before our family had made the big move to emigrate to Australia. A search party were out looking for me as I’d been missing for at least 5 hours. Looking deeper into my sadness I came to realise that the tears was from me not wanting to leave the family behind and I do have great strong ties with the ‘homeland.’ So the tears were probably pent up sadness of not wanting to leave the UK at the tender age of 5. Other sessions we do take us on journeys where you open treasure chests and see things but when I travel on these journeys my minds does what it wants and it’s like someone’s got the remote for the tv channel and is browsing to get the right show that you mind wants to watch. What we all get out of meditation is individual and what works for one might not work for another, but if it helps that’s the most important thing we can take from it. 
The group has got larger due to word of mouth and its popularity of the positive words being spoken. The meditation session is offered over 2 days now one during the day and one in the evening. We all share a meal with one another to unwind from the days actions and we converse to one another before we take to our favourite spots to sit (we are but creatures of habit) and wait for our meditation to begin. We close the evening with an exchanging of some medicine and tarot cards and take photos of the messages they might prevail for the coming week. We bid farewell with hugs and well wishes till we meet again. I love my healing therapy of meditation in my life after loss. I look forward to being more open to messages from loved ones by having a clearer mind. 
This little balloon has survived so long now and doesn’t want to breathe that last breath out in its life. I don’t think anyone does. I’m sure Jacob didn’t either, not at his young age. The balloon has been surviving since we celebrated his 21st birthday in March, seven months ago. I had said the balloon was waiting till all his friends had celebrated their own 21st birthdays and that it was Jacob’s way of saying he was there too to wish them well. Meditation is like the breath inside the balloon – ‘as you breathe in, cherish yourself, as you breathe out cherish all living things…’