Day 7 – grief journaling….what would your loved one want?

If I could ask you what you would want for me and my future, I think you would say to me ‘live each day as if it’s your last and be thankful for every day you’ve been blessed with.’ I’ve taken on your motto for life. I put one foot in front of the other everyday and I will live out the rest of my life in honour of you and live it in ways that would make you proud. I know you’d want to still be here with us all if you could and what we wouldn’t do for this to be true. We have to believe in our hearts that you are still with us in more ways than one. I knew it was you when the blinds suddenly went up in the family room, when I felt my hair being pulled, the huge dragonfly at Mikaila’s celebration of life and the feathers that appear by my feet. I love how we still have that connection as mother and son, but I will always want more.

I can’t wait for you to see your sister Rach get married to Adam. I know you would have become great friends with him as you are so much alike. We’ll have a new life size stand up cardboard cutout of you standing there proudly in your suit for us to have selfies next to. I know you’ll be there when Amy and Ben start looking at houses together, you be like a third wheel to get them all uptight, pushing their buttons to get a reaction while you look really proud thinking ‘I did this’ just like you did with your siblings in the living years. You’d probably have your own house by now with all the movies you would have made helping you to bring in the cash, so you might have given them helpful advice in managing the realestate and getting a bargain. I know you are helping me choose my career path and guiding me one the correct path in life. My beautiful guardian angel. I know you’ll look after your dad and help him with his acceptance of the loss and grief he feels, as you know he doesn’t handle his emotional side very well and is often not a great communicator about the difficult things in life. You will watch over your dad and me together, because you got to see us at our best and look what we can achieve as a team.

I went for a walk today with my mum (your nanna) along the edge of the lake. I saw 2 white feathers floating in the weed near the jetty. One for mum & one for me, from you & grandad. Please come and visit me in my dreams tonight. I hope you are having a drink with your grandad for Les as we toast him here on earth by singing ‘knocking on Heaven’s door.’ It was early in the morning to have a glass of bubbles but like the saying goes ‘it’s 5 o’clock somewhere’ – cheers Les, a life taken way too early. You might send me a message on Saturday at the pop up zoom psychic show with Allan. Till then ‘stay gold pony boy’ love you 😘 love mum x