Day 2 of grief journaling – I love it when I dream of Jacob. It’s like he’s really visited me and we’ve made contact. When I wake up from my dreamy slumber I get a warm fuzzy feeling that I’ve just chatted with him over the phone like I do his siblings. He visits me in all different ages and stages of his life. People may think that it’s my memories showing up in my deep subconscious when I’m asleep, but the scenes are different, ones I’ve never had with him before. Sometimes he appears as a toddler, sometimes as a dorky preteen with braces, sometimes he wears his signature fro and other times he’s bald and unwell from obvious chemo treatment. These dreams are in colour and I can often recall the details in the morning. Today I’m sitting outside by my pool waiting for an online live streaming of a funeral of a dear friend from my nursing days. It’s so sad that we can’t go to offer our condolences in person, for human touch and hugs. I waste time by looking through Instagram. I glance away from the screen for a second to watch a bird in the huge tree overhanging the pool when I remember Jacob taking a photo of this view that my eyes could see. I look up his Instagram account and searched for the photo he’d posted. I found lots of views around the pool. I began to recreate Jacob’s photos with my iPad camera. I can’t recreate family portraits of my children from when they were little to the age they are now, so I’ll twist that idea a bit and recreate his photos. Not much has changed except the size of the trees and varying leaves for the different seasons. I loved reading all the positivity in the words he wrote to accompany the photos…..

Awesome sunny day

Times like these, times like those, what will be, will be and so it goes – Jack Johnson 🎶

Everything is gonna be alright in the summertime – Thirsty Merc 🎶

Such a good day

Recovery in the sun