Monthly Archives: March 2020

The last farewell

I hope you’re back visiting Dovercourt, Harwich Dad 😘 love & miss you forever ♡ sleep easy & give Jacob a big hug & kiss for us x We’ll look after mum for you x here’s a poem my dad wrote about memories of the hometown he grew up in, where he met my mum when she was sweet 16, & where my siblings Trish & Stephen & I were born.

Thinking of Home by David Ling.
Take me back to England – take me back today
To the town where I was born – how I miss old Dovercourt Bay.
Take me to the lighthouse – I can smell the seaweed there,
Take me along the windy prom to tangle up my hair.
Just about here I’m thinking the Cliff Pavilion stood,
With Queen Victoria watching on in a very sombre mood.
Twas here just fifty years ago I met my future wife
At a summer dance on a Saturday night the luckiest day of my life.
Then on to the Spa – into the park to watch the squirrels play
A go on the swings and down the slide, then be on my way.
A bit of a hike to take a line and fish off old Stone Pier
But for all I ever caught there they didn’t have much fear.
Then onward down to Harwich where we used to moor our boat
Where I watched her go down in a gale one day, she lost the will to float.
Just past the wharf to Ha’penny pier where we used to catch the ferry,
To Shotley or to Felixstowe for a day of making merry
Watching trawlers coming and going alongside the Trinity ships,
The follow your nose up a side street for delicious fish and chips.
Round the corner to Gas House creek and the railway ferry crane
That my father once worked when I was a boy and aspired the same
Through Bathside past the sinky mud to a railway bridge by the sea
As a nine year old a most beautiful sight having been an evacuee
Then up to Dovercourt High St, past the lights to look at a place
Where I worked for ten years in my twenties and recognised every face
On up the hill where the Regal once was – next to my first high school,
Where the French teacher gave me my nick name for acting like a fool.
Down the lanes to the back of the school was the daunting Toboggan Hill,
On the few snowy days in winter sledges flying what a thrill.
Now I’ll look over to Parkeston Quay to watch the ships sail by,
After that stroll through the Hangings at dusk when bats invade the sky.
I’ll head out westward to Copperas Wood, bluebells there to pick
And on Wrabness foreshore where the tide comes in so quick,
Then I’ll make for the Wix Wagon pub through pretty country lanes
And down a couple of English ales to soothe away my pains.
Meadner through some winding roads to Oakley Little and Great
Into Mayes Lane to Ramsey church and Chafford where my mate
Spenty many years there cooking for the boys of the school.
They used to have a smashing Fete though it rained as a rule.
Through Tollgate past The Devon and onto Dovercourt Green
Where if you’re lucky daffodils to make floral scene.
The Memorial – the water towers – then wander down the Drive
The Skating rink – Putting green, the Boating Lake that I’ve
Dreamed about quite often in the years I’ve been away,
Then I’ll be back where I started on my Odyssey today.

I never thought I’d be able to speak at my dad’s funeral to deliver his eulogy. I have always had more strength in writing words rather than saying them. But I wanted to do it for him, to show him I could do it. For him, for mum, for my sister Trish, for my brother Stephen, for family and for friends. I stood in a middle standing space surrounded by love from my siblings and spoke from the heart, sharing these words and adding extras like a actor forgetting their lines where they ad lib.

Dad was born in Essex England in 1936 to Kit and Sid. He had an older sister Brenda and has a younger sister Josephine, still living there. In spite of the war he had a happy childhood. After high school he joined the airforce, then trained in electronics and eventually became a tv technician and managed a shop.

He met mum when he was 19 and she was 16and they have been together ever since. They married in 1960and we’re blessed with 3 lovely children haha I’m the favourite (don’t tell anyone) Trisha, Debbie and Stephen.

Dad always wanted to come to Australia but mum wasn’t as keen, but eventually gave in and in 1969 along with their three children then aged 8, 5, & 2 they emigrated and have never regretted it. Dad got a job in Sutherland with a tv repair shop and they rented a unit in Cronulla, right near the beach. Every weekend they would drive south to look for a place to build a house with a work shop so dad could start his own tv repair business. Luckily they found Mt Warrigal overlooking beautiful Lake Illawarra. They bought land and had their house built with dad’s workshop underneath and it became Mt. Warrigal TV services.

It was lovely for us children as dad worked from home and mum was at home too, answering the phone and taking in tv’s for repair. They had wonderful neighbours and friends and always made them welcome. Last Oct on dad’s 83rd birthday when his health wasn’t good, they moved to an over 55’s home at Lake Windamere, near Little Lake where dad used to swim everyday until his breathing difficulties made it impossible. Once again they settled well and had lovely neighbours. There it was easier for mum to care for dad as his breathing struggles became worse. Dad was a wonderful husband, dad, grandad and will be missed terribly. We have some wonderful memories but how to you share 50 plus years in a few minutes? I’ll share some with you here from all of us in no particular order…..

When we had first arrived in Australia our family was invited to a bbq at his new boss’s house. His boss told dad to bring a plate. Well dad came home and told mum ‘he said to bring a plate.’ ‘What size plate?’ – mum asked. ‘I’m not sure, he didn’t say’ was dads answer. ‘Maybe they haven’t got enough’ mum thought. The day arrived and our family turned up with an empty plate and mum handed it over and said ‘we weren’t sure what size you needed.’ Maybe this is why pommies have got a reputation of being tight.

Pronunciation of the Aboriginal places near us – Ulladulla, Cronulla, Bulli,

Appreciation of music – lounge room watching thunderstorms and he’d conduct the music as we heard the thunder and lightening crash. We were born in the Beetles era, I can remember getting in to trouble for putting smarties down dads new record player. After visiting the club he’d come home and play the piano or put Beethoven on his record player

Made things to entertain us on bbqs, long skipping ropes for tug of wars and swings, he’d make kites with old newspaper and sticks,

Pete was expecting to meet a Chinese man when he met dad because of the name Ling, told dr on his last day he was a Chinese Pom.

His Gilligans island terrytoweling hat he’d wear,

He taught us to fish, how to bait up, gut the fish, untangle a line, pump nippers Prawning – only time you can wear clothes in the water. Trish reckons the only time me he got cross with her was when she threw fish back in to the water when he wasn’t looking

I shared his talent of stringing words together in poems and stories and Jacob tapped in on that creative talent too with his movie making.

Dad booked accommodation for Pete & I went we went away for a weekend before we got married & when we got there it was 2 single beds

Movie buff like Jacob but his classics & favourites were different, loved musicals, high society, singing in the rain, Oklahoma, South Pacific, sound of music, wizard of oz and he loved singing the tunes from them as well, he called my mum Samantha (fondly Sam) a character from the movie high society starring some of his favourites Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra (old blue eyes) & grace kelly. Richard will read a poem he wrote for their 25th wedding anniversary starting off with ‘dear Sam’ when we gather for tea & coffee downstairs afterwards & mum & dad would write ATW on cards to each other – ‘all the way’

Drove the council bus for before & after school care

He has a sweet tooth – worthers original, Maltesers, and Cadbury blocks

He’d always sit half sideways in his chair with his legs over the armrest

He like to have a little flutter on the pokies and the horses, if he won a bit he would say ‘little fish’ and after a bad day of betting he’d say ‘that’s because I’m a lucky man in everything else’ or sing ‘if I was a rich man’

he always provided for us (thanks mum) never needing/wanting anything more.

He was always there for us – we had a secure, loving childhood – he did everything with us, taught us so much to become who we are.

He was involved in our friends – he gave Trisha’s friends Cherie, Kim & Monica 10c to keep for an emergency phone call – & Kim still has hers. He called Stephen’s mates – Bradley my boy, Paul my boy, Frankie my boy & he loved the father/son drinks with Neil, Henry and Mick and all the boys

He loved parties & our friends always talked to him & mum & say ‘your parents are great’

He instilled a great love of family, including those in England and loved that our family grew and will continue to grow

He loved the ocean and beach & taught us to surf (even though he’d never surfed) he got us boards from the tip

He’d take us for bbq’s on Sunday’s & we could always bring a friend (plus on holidays too) he took Stephen camping

We’d have fish & chips on Saturdays and get paddle pops wrapped in newspaper

When we got lost driving on holidays he’d say a phrase that I can’t repeat in church but there’s one that I can say that we were going on a ‘magical mystery tour’

He loved playing bridge, particularly with his bridge partners Warren and Pronati

He always had a crossword or soduko game sheet in his hand, he loved watching the chase and other quiz shows on tv, and he could have easily won sale of the century.

He loved Aussie life and he took to it straight away, he loved his life and he loved living

But most of all he loved us, & we will always feel just like the words scribed in this Captain Corelli’s Mandolin quote – ‘your roots have entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part’ and we won’t.

The year we immigrated from the UK 1969

Fear

C.S.Lewis once wrote ‘no one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.’ He penned these words in A Grief Observed, a collection of reflections on the experience of bereavement following the death of his wife Joy in 1960. That’s just how losing a loved one feels, like fear….

According to Wikipedia Fear is an emotion induced by perceived danger or threat, which causes physiological changes and ultimately behavioural changes, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events. Fear in human beings may occur in response to a certain stimulus occurring in the present, or in anticipation or expectation of a future threat perceived as a risk to oneself.

Fear is the most general term and implies anxiety and usually loss of courage.

C.S. Lewis explain his fear as ‘I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.’

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”

I can totally relate to him feeling like this. After losing Jacob fear reared it’s ugly head in noticeable ways. It almost manifested as a panic attack like state. Fear of losing another child was high on the list. Any disappointment or upset in life hit me like a kick in the guts. The first year of loss came with the realisation that this was our new world, a world without Jacob physically being with us. I’d have to stop those raw memories of the last few days of his life playing in my mind when driving alone in my car. Fear of visiting the hospital to have a blood test right next to the ward where Jacob spent time in isolation would cause a rise in my blood pressure. Fear of losing my father when he was hospitalised for double pneumonia. Fear when Rach had been tested positive for influenza A.

I didn’t want fear to rule my life and I wasn’t about to let it. I have had to learn how to train my mind to slow these negative thoughts. I like to take a good hard look at the things I’m grateful for each day to curb those grief like fears rearing its ugly head. I try and SMILE – see miracles in life everyday. I have become more mindful with my thoughts that often prevent me from sleeping in the wee hours of the morning. I have needed to practice mindfulness. When being mindful my breathing slows, thoughts become less and I become more aware of my surroundings as I enjoy the freedom of photography.

We are only 3 months in to the year 2020 that I think will top Queen Elizabeth’s year of 1992 as her ‘annus horribilis.’ January saw Australia with the worst fire season with over 12.6 hectares burnt. Thirty three people lost their lives due to the fires and over 1 billion animals were killed. For months, we breathed air pollution up to 26 times above levels considered hazardous to human health. Following the fires rain fell from the skies thankfully putting the fires out but also caused extensive flooding with the newly burnt land not being able to cope with the extreme deluge.

February saw us mourn the passing of my dear old dad at the ripe old age of 83. I count my blessings of spending his last day on earth with us sharing laughter, smiles and tears and lots of opportunity to say ‘I love you.’ The fear with grief makes you see how fragile life can be and helps you to value it. Too many lives have been lost this year and tears have been shed for my dad, for Dave, for Lesley, for Mikaila, for Donna and for Les just late last night. It is in these times of grief we need to have that human connection of touch in hugs and kisses and kind words. Covid-19 has put a stop to humanity reaching out to hold space for those who grieve. Families are limited to a small number of people to say their goodbyes. Weddings have been cancelled and postponed, including Rach & Adam’s we were to celebrate this June. Families are forbidden to see loved ones for fear of spreading the virus.

Life is on hold. Jacob once said these words when he was interviewed for a documentary to raise money for a cancer unit to be built. We lived in hope that things would get better, and he would recover and get to live a long and healthy life. Things did not go to plan and we said our goodbyes to our beautiful brown eyed boy only just 2 months later after filming.

I hope this fear we face with the unknown circumstances of Covid -19 will disappear as quickly as it came and let us go back to our old life and pick up the pieces where we left off. I’m sure this year 2020 will change us all. My nephew posted a message on his Facebook page that he shared from a friend and when I read the words tears fell….’When this ends-AND IT WILL-every football match will sell out, every restaurant will have a two hour wait,every kid will be GLAD to be in school, everyone will love their job, money will sky rocket,pubs will be rammed, and gigs will be plentiful and we’ll kiss embrace and shake hands. That’s gonna be a good day Hang in there, World.’

My dear Dad Dave