Category Archives: What I want you to know?

Dear Person Who Doesn’t Get My Grief

Day 6 – grief journaling

In this passage of writing I won’t be focusing on one person. I will be talking to a group of people. A beautiful bunch of young adults. These young adults would be Jacob’s friends. I miss seeing them, calling in and checking in on me as they walk through the house to the games room where they’d used to hang out watching movies or playing the Nintendo or ps4. Our house was (and still is) an open house. There is no reason for them to call in anymore because Jacob’s not there. Why come by our house anymore? I’d hope they’d still come by to say ‘hi,’ to fill me in on what’s happening in their life (I’m still interested in you, just as I was when I saw you regularly). It might bring a lump in my throat and I may have tears, but there will be smiles and laughter too as we remember good times.

I really do miss the company of my son’s friends who I don’t get to see anymore since my son’s passing. I do get to see them on Facebook as they post pieces of their lives. I’d like them to still call by and check in on me like they used to do. I’d love to see photos of Jacob to pop up on Facebook that I’ve never seen before. It would make my heart skip a beat. Maybe it’s still too raw for them. I just hope that they haven’t forgotten him 😢 I’d like to see the mention of Jacob’s name on their Facebook page if a memory pops up. I don’t like the feelings this stirs up – envy, anger and disappointment as I don’t do them well as it’s not in my nature. Grief sometimes has a dark side.

I saw a few of them not so long ago. It was at an occasion I’d rather not have had to reconnect with them, but it was nice to see them and hug them nevertheless. We all caught up at a beautiful young girls celebration of life, a young mum Mikaila at the age of 24 losing her life to a rare sarcoma just like the one that took Jacob from us. How is it possible 2 friends from the same group at high school get a rare cancer and both fight for their lives at such a young age? The hugs I got on this day from the young adults friends of Jacob were genuine, they held on to help sooth the heartache. Hugs were easier to dish out whereas words and conversations were a lot harder. Awkward silences made us feel uncomfortable as you fumbled to find a topic to talk about to make the words flow like the lyrics of a familiar song. I took a step back and watched them converse with each other and enjoyed just being in their presence. I chatted with their parents who attended the celebration too to hear more about what was happening in their busy lives.

I hope in time I get to see those new photos of Jacob I’ve never seen before and hear more stories I’ve never heard before as we catch up again at different occasions like an engagement, a wedding, the birth or Christening of babies. I really like that old saying that ‘happiness is when you realise your children have turned out to be good people’ and that includes their friends too.

Jacob and Mikaila have good friends, they’re like stars, you don’t always see them but you know they are there.

Jacob & Mikaila at their year 10 formal
Friends at Mikaila’s celebration of life
Friends at Mikaila’s celebration of life

I’ve always loved this song by Neil Young about friendships & love – Philadelphia