Tag Archives: notes on grief

Dear Sadness

I understand you have to rear your ugly head every now and again to prove your place alongside the feeling of joy, but enough is enough. Since this threat on mankind in the form of a virus tears have been way more closer to the surface than my liking. I know it’s usually other triggers that bring you out in your glory. The power of a full moon plays with my negative emotions and I know when there’s one coming before looking into the dark sky. Songs and music play their part in giving you a part in the show. Looking at old photos and videos you are there trying to stifle any piece of happiness. God forbid if we ruin these prints with tears, no one will be able to rouse any emotions with an unrecognisable face that’s left. Sad to think of all the lives lost to this pandemic. Sad to think of families torn apart from spending birthdays, weddings and funerals together. In times of sadness we need human connection and touch, not just through technology and via the web. In this case yes you’ve won again. In the tears that I cry for my ‘forever 20’ year old son I am proud of those sad emotions that roll down my cheeks. Where there is great love there is great grief and I’m proud of those tears and I will own the tears that I cry for him. Sadness you will not rule me and the way I live. As I’ve said before you have your place in this big wide world just like the role you played in the movie ‘inside out’ alongside joy, fear, anger and disgust. Sometimes we have to know you Sadness, to know the true meaning of joy. When this pandemic eventually subsides and we all pick up where we’ve left off, I hope we continue our weird relationship, but preferably with me wearing the pants in the relationship. I have final say. We have to coexist. I’ll let you visit when I can feel my body getting ready to flip the lid and let off steam like a broken radiator in an old work truck. That’s your signal, your invitation to visit, but not to stay. I will work grief and sadness out if my body when I’m out taking photographs, and I will bring in joy and creativity. Life is too short for me to dwell on you sadness. Cheer up and live life to the fullest. That’s what Jacob would want me to do, to live my best life to honour him, to live out my life in ways that would make him proud. I know I’m going cry again, but this time they’ll be tears of joy not sadness. Let us leave behind sadness, regrets and painful moments and have a new start full of joy from now on in. Nothing is more beautiful than a real smile that has struggled through the tears.