Week 50: ‘shadows’ 
Never fear shadows. They simply mean that there’s a light shining nearby. I’ve never been scared of shadows. I have loved watching scary movies ever since I was really young. I’d wake my younger brother up in the middle of the night to watch the double creature feature on tv. We’d sit there with our hands over our eyes opening our fingers with just enough room to watch a small section of the screen at a scary part. I must have shared the love of horror films to my children as they have inherited the excited buzz when scared from a horror film. I loved listening to ghost stories by torch light at a campsite. I loved playing hide and seek and finding the best dark place to hide and jump out with a scream when found. 
Now I’m older and wiser I still never fear the shadows. As I dabble with Jacob’s camera those shadows cast a better picture on what you’re capturing as we learn that the best time to take those perfect shots is early morning and late afternoon where the light is at it’s best. When I look at those photos of people surrounded by a glowing light of birthday candles, or by the twinkling lights of a Christmas tree, a sense of calmness comes over me. There’s something magical about the light from a single match amongst a room full of darkness and shadows. One tiny match can give off so much beautiful light. 

I have to think that the shadows out the corner of my eye as little glimpses of Jacob’s spirit around me to keep us safe or was it my mind playing tricks? I’d like to think that it was Jacob. I’m lucky that I have Jacob’s movies on his YouTube channels to watch his creative talent come to life as he made his short, scary and shadowy movies that give you that shiver down your spine and make the hairs on your neck stand on end. People who watch one little movie in particular called – Abandoned a teaser trailer, thought it was a real trailer for a new movie that was coming out, and expressed interest and said they couldn’t wait for it to be released. I’m sure he would have become famous had he had more time on earth to pursue his career of being a well known cinemaphotographer. 

The candle in the photo that accompany these words cast shadows on the walls from the naked flame. I love how the dragonflies fly around from the heat generated by the candle. I light this candle in memory of Jacob. Emma Thompson once said – ‘once you’re a mum, you’ve been split into two people. It’s like Peter Pan and his shadow.’

That’s the way I feel about the loss of Jacob. Still connected in so many ways. In shadows, in light, in sunshine, in rain, in life, in death and in my dreams. You can’t outrun your shadow. So, dance with it. 

Here’s Jacob’s little movie titled – ‘Abandoned’ hope you are not too scared by the shadows in it… 

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